So I’m on day 18 without booze – and tonight’s my 19th night. For months/years I’ve tried to control my drinking and have beaten myself up for not being able to.
18 days ago I was hungover, guilty, sad and then… something felt like it clicked and I just said ‘this has to stop’. I don’t know why but since that morning it hasn’t been an effort or a struggle – it’s been a relief. Like when you’ve worn really, really tight pants all day and you get home, unbutton them and sigh with relief.
It’s been really easy so far (even with the physical detox headaches, fatigue and sleep problems in the first week) that I’ve started worrying about why it’s so easy. You know that feeling when everything is going so well that you start wondering if it’s going to turn to shit? Anyway – when I start getting that nagging feeling I’m just gently pushing it aside and focusing on the things I want in the future.
Some of the early benefits of quitting have included: saving heaps of cash; buying a few new clothes with some of the spare cash; and also dropping a couple of kilograms. It’s easy to stick to my exercise goals now that I’m not lethargic and hung-over… and a longer term goal is to take some alcohol savings and buy a swish new bike. I’d love a new lightweight roadbike. We live in a hilly area and when I ride to work on my heavy, clunky old bike I could probably walk up some hills faster than I ride (especially with a saddle bag full of work things).
So I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth – the current moment is great. I’m just going to enjoy it. I’ve got no doubt that there will be challenges ahead – maybe New Years Eve celebrations, maybe next time I get bad cancer results and feel miserable? Who knows? I have a strong suspicion that the challenge might be in a few months away when I feel on top of the problem & have some distance from the yucky feelings it caused.
Until then… So long, goodbye, gonna get along without you now.