It’s been quite a while since I last blogged. I was sick of hearing my same repetitive posts: “I’m on the wagon”, “I’m off the wagon”, “I’m on the wagon”. Ain’t nobody got time to read or write that!
I’ve spent several months drinking on and off (well… to be honest it was more on than off). It has been a long, tiring, frustrating, unproductive, headachey and boring period.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t blog until I reached at least 2 weeks sober… So here I am. It’s 2 weeks and 4 days so I’m writing a post.
The very early, acute stage of quitting has settled. On day 3 or 4 of the previous attempts I would have an overwhelming compulsion to drink. I would feel frantic and have a build-up of energetic pressure in my chest – like something important had to happen or I had to run somewhere.
So by 2.5 weeks the sense of compulsion and the strong physical/biological urges have settled. I feel calm and I have the energy to do things other than planning my evening drinks. I don’t feel constantly exhausted and quality sleep is wonderful.
Now that I’ve reached this stage part of me wonders why it took me so long and what was stopping me? At the time it feels impossible but afterwards it feels so simple: just stop.
I’ve had periods of extended sobriety before so I’ve reactivated my sober routines. It’s like I’m a toy train being lifted from one train track to another – life just continues but in a different direction and with new scenery.
I haven’t had any challenging social situations yet. I’ll take my time before I start socialising in environments where there’s alcohol. I want to feel ‘rock solid’ before I go there.
It’s a good place to be at the moment. There will be challenges ahead but I’m not going to focus on them just now… I’ll just enjoy one day at a time. My last drink is far away enough to not dominate my thoughts – but it’s still near enough to remember why I’m quitting.