One year came and went without a blog post or a big hurrah. This weekend will actually be my 55th week sober (1 year and 3 weeks).
Alcohol issues have been easy and plain-sailing for months. I’ve just been manically busy, angry and frustrated at work for weeks. The work drama hasn’t triggered any drinking issues or desires which is great – but the work shit is really starting to get me down.
I’m really passionate about my work – but my organisation isn’t passionate about it. That makes me feel incredibly frustrated, angry and cynical… and it’s eating me up.
I’m working on one big, last-ditch project to interview and document the needs and experiences of people with disability using our hospital services. It’s really interesting and meaningful work (to me).
Then after I launch the findings I’ll give the organisation 6-12 months to start to respond to the issues. If there’s no signs of genuine organisational response, it’s time to look for work elsewhere. There’s no sense flogging a dead horse.
I just can’t understand why a health organisation won’t prioritise the needs of some of our most unwell and disadvantaged clients. It’s hard to not just see it as plain and simple old prejudice. If the death rates, medical complication rates and care quality issues were affecting other groups, it just wouldn’t be tolerated.
Anger can be powerful and productive – but when it’s combined with powerlessness and futility it eats me up. For my own wellbeing I think I will have to leave.