I’ll start by saying this post is not a crisis. It’s more like something annoying which has dragged on… and on… and on. It’s time to try something new. I still have no desire to drink (sub-note: watching people on TV drinking heavily has been repulsing me lately) and it’s 62 weeks sober tomorrow.
Yesterday I went to my GP and asked about anti-anxiety medication. I didn’t do it lightly and I’ve been practicing anxiety self-care: exercising regularly, tried proper sleep routines, eating well, and doing a meditation course.
Lately I’ve been so angry, frustrated, tense, flat/no mood, chest tightness, sleep issues, zero libido. I don’t care if alcohol cessation has caused it – or if the lack of alcohol has unmasked it (I was often drinking to manage stress). I’m going to try a low dose, front-line SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) and see how it goes.
It’s been a horrible two years in multiple parts of my life. I know that a lot of the stress and anxiety has been extrinsic (caused by something outside of me) but a chunk has been intrinsic. I know this because the external stresses have started to settle down but after 2 years of high drama, I’m constantly in a state of cat-like readiness (slight exaggeration). My internal systems are wound tight and day to day stresses constantly flip me into alert/alarm mode.
I’m interested to see what sort of side-effects I get. The most common side-effects I’ve heard are: gut problems, nausea, headaches, sleep issues sweating at night, erectile dysfunction, delayed orgasm. Most of the side-effects are meant to pass in the first few weeks while your body/brain adjusts. I’m also keeping in mind that there are ‘side-effects’ associated with doing nothing.
I’ve had gut problems for months (anxiety does that to me), I’ve had libido and sex issues for months (can’t feel sexy when I’m worried about work), sleep has been really crappy in periods.
I’m also aware that I’m a naturally highly-strung dude who was raised by two highly-strung parents. I had a good and caring childhood but I remember being very socially anxious at a young age. I’ve never taken any anti-depressants but there have been times in my life when I probably should have considered them… but back then I usually just drank some anti-anxiety medication in the evening.
We’ll see how this goes!
PS: At some stage I think I also just need a new job – but at this stage I can’t financially do that.